[ this is a difficult conversation... and he's had to have it a couple of times. it hasn't gotten easier, and this is perhaps one of the most difficult ones, because tea means such a lot to him, and he knows this is probably hurting her to hear. ]
[ the hug helps, and he brings a claw up to return it. ] ...yes, that is the worry. But what if nobody is there. Sometimes you've been taken alone to a game and none of your unitmates are there to help. Or they're just as dead and incapacitated as you. It's hard to predict how badly a game is going to wreck you and yours. I... tried to be civil, tried to work something out, but I'm sick of feeling like I'm being talked down to. And I know a part of it's me, ...my own feelings of [ and he grits his teeth, trying to quell his own anger. ] inadequacy. It sometimes feels like nothing I have done and nothing I will ever do will be enough for him and for some people.
B- But nevermind that. I... [ he takes a deep breath. ] I know. [ taking a step back he cups her cheek. ] And I realize I'm asking a lot here, but I need you to trust me. My decision may look stupid, but I am alright. [ his stare is intense, as if trying to tell her more than he can truly say. ] I am better off than I was. [ leans in for a nuzzle. ] ...trust me.
— I don't think it's stupid. [ that much is immediate, and firm. ] And I do trust you.
[ she cups her hand over the back of his paw, meeting his eyes ]
In the end, your feelings are yours; your decisions are yours. It's not about me. [ as much as she hates hates HATES HATES the idea of leaving him dead when there's literally any other option ] If you've thought it through, and this is what you want, what you need, I'll respect that.
[ this is... torture. he hates that he can't tell her that things aren't as bad as they seem. he still dies, but... he has a bit of a safety net. he supposes that doesn't make it any easier though, for her. she still has to see him laying there. ] I'm going to do my best not to... [ die. he doesn't say it aloud. this conversation is already pretty terrible. ] I don't want you to have to deal with this anymore than you already have. BARiTONES luck has been pretty... unfortunate lately. [ he heaves a sigh, hanging his head. ]
Listen. Yeah, I don't like seeing you hurt, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do for you. Don't worry about me. [ she takes a breath - holds it, visibly thinking ]
... Like ...
I've had some ... arguments, here, 'bout the way I approach the bad games. All I can say is, I play for me and the people who're with me right then and there. That's it. If you've got a plan for how to deal with it, and it's the plan that works best for you - I'm not gonna fault you for prioritising yourself.
... [ pentium doesn't really do tears, but this prompts a surge of emotions inside of him. he takes care in moving a claw on around her, carefully taking her in a hug. ] Thank you, Tea, for understanding. It was hard back home, it's been hard here. I've been trying to be better, but... it'll always be a little difficult. [ gives her a nuzzle. ] I really can't thank you enough for understanding. I love you so much.
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[ the hug helps, and he brings a claw up to return it. ] ...yes, that is the worry. But what if nobody is there. Sometimes you've been taken alone to a game and none of your unitmates are there to help. Or they're just as dead and incapacitated as you. It's hard to predict how badly a game is going to wreck you and yours. I... tried to be civil, tried to work something out, but I'm sick of feeling like I'm being talked down to. And I know a part of it's me, ...my own feelings of [ and he grits his teeth, trying to quell his own anger. ] inadequacy. It sometimes feels like nothing I have done and nothing I will ever do will be enough for him and for some people.
B- But nevermind that. I... [ he takes a deep breath. ] I know. [ taking a step back he cups her cheek. ] And I realize I'm asking a lot here, but I need you to trust me. My decision may look stupid, but I am alright. [ his stare is intense, as if trying to tell her more than he can truly say. ] I am better off than I was. [ leans in for a nuzzle. ] ...trust me.
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[ she cups her hand over the back of his paw, meeting his eyes ]
In the end, your feelings are yours; your decisions are yours. It's not about me. [ as much as she hates hates HATES HATES the idea of leaving him dead when there's literally any other option ] If you've thought it through, and this is what you want, what you need, I'll respect that.
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[ presses a smooch on his brow ]
Listen. Yeah, I don't like seeing you hurt, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do for you. Don't worry about me. [ she takes a breath - holds it, visibly thinking ]
... Like ...
I've had some ... arguments, here, 'bout the way I approach the bad games. All I can say is, I play for me and the people who're with me right then and there. That's it. If you've got a plan for how to deal with it, and it's the plan that works best for you - I'm not gonna fault you for prioritising yourself.
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[ Hugs him back, as tight as she can. ]
Life's a mess, huh? But it's worth it. Worth it to keep on trying.
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